Separated at birth?

I have a sister (and her husband) who claim I look like the Grinch. As in, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. I try not to take it personally, but every year they send me something Grinch-related (an ornament, a singing Grinch doll...you get the idea.)

When I tell people this the first reaction is "What? No! That's terrible!"

And then they look a little closer. "Actually..."

You be the judge (hint: it's in the smile):

My favorite Christmas poem, written by a former professor

Many of you who know me have heard me read this before, but I can't let one Christmas season go by without sharing it. I love this poem.

"But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. "
-Luke 2:19

Mary Keeps All These Things
Susan Elizabeth Howe

I stir the innkeeper’s sympathy
only when my water breaks and runs
down my leg, soaking my blue
robe, and I have to lean
against his shabby door;
he looks at me through splintered eyes.

I have come down from the donkey
in the great bell of my body,
the weight of the child and him kicking
inside, so the next guardian of those gates
that open only to money, much
more money than Joseph can pay,

will have to see me, my travail.
My accident is not a cheat but the urgency
of birth, and I am not ashamed. He considers,
refusing my eyes. Beard stained with mutton
grease, he finally says, “Stables. In the back,”
and jerks his head to shunt us to one side.

The cave of the animals is dark
and warm, smelling of straw, urine,
dung. Our rushes give off only a smoky light. As we walk
between the pens, our donkey follows
under his pack, then another brays;

disturbed, the sheep baa.
Joseph worries for me as he cleans
a stall, spreads fresh straw
and a blanket where I can lie.
I am big and awkward as a camel sinking
down. What a relief, to give myself

to pain, guessing the hours these knots
will come and go. Between them
I feel straw prickling my hair
and ears, scratching the back of my neck.
Then my body clenches, legs
and back and belly tight.

Each cramp I feel the pain can grow
no more, O Lord, no more. And yet
I have given my word and will
to bring this child. My body
opens and opens its passage between
my womb’s constraint and the chaotic

clash of life. I will, in my extremity,
remember I have a name. Mary is
my name. I will split open, part
the shadow that keeps this child
from light. He must come, is coming,
comes. At last, his brash infant cry.

I watch Joseph clean him, bring him
to my arms. I am seized
by his perfection – tiny hands, clear
unblinking eyes. This dove, this calf,
this young and wondrous lamb squeals
as I take him to my breast.

Tiny gums grip my nipple; he sucks
and sucks, butting me with his insistent
head. When the liquid comes
into his hungry mouth, we are joined
in ache and pleasure – circle and dance;
I give him comfort and he gives it back.

Our small animal noises belong here
in the shelter of the poor and dumb
who break their bodies to sustain
life. I have saved clean wool
from the underbellies of the lambs,
carded it, and spun the softest

cloth to keep him warm. Tonight
he will sleep above us, in a manger
of sweet hay, and we will lie down,
our faces low upon the ground, hands
joined, sheltered in the shadow
of this small and brilliant life.

Santa baby

I just caught Mike sleepily whispering to Santa what his Christmas wishes are.

And yes, he was on a sleeping pill.

A real movie

My friend RPFreely recently blogged about this, but I have to gush a bit about a movie I saw yesterday: Lars and the Real Girl.

I EL OH VEE EE this movie! Who knew a blow up doll could be the center of such a wonderful, funny, sad, moving, amazing story? I hope they get many more awards for it. It has some of my favorite people in it, including this guy who you've probably never heard of, but was in a little independent movie that I also loved, and Patricia Clarkson, who has been in some fantastic indies as well. And Ryan Gosling was really phenomenal. I hope he gets the Golden Globe.

Anyhoo, I highly recommend it, though my taste in movies is particular, and may not be anything like yours, so I take no responsiblity for your hating it if you do.

But you're a wierdo if that's the case.

Just kidding. To each his own.

This Romney has my vote any day

I think there are a few of my readers who know exactly who I am talking about when I refer to "The greek god of the JKHB*," yes?

Did you know that guy is Mitt Romney's son? Yes, you probably did. I just found this out a few months ago when I was reading an article that referenced a website where Mitt's 5 strapping sons talk about campaigning for him. This is the picture you'll find of the particular son I'm talking about:
But ladies, we'll always remember him with his shaggy, chin-length hair, won't we? The fact that he was one of the--oh I'd say maybe FIVE men in the English department at BYU made him an easy target for admiration, but also? He was GOR-geous.

I sat behind him in one of my classes, and I would make really dumb conversation just so I could look at him, but then would blush so deeply it was painful. I don't think I was the only one, and that will have to be my only consolation.

If this guy ever runs for president, I'll be the first one to the polls, without even knowing what his politics are.

And I'll probably be blushing.

* the JKHB was the building where pretty much ALL English classes were held. It was windowless and drab, so we had nothing better to look at than those rare males with beautiful souls (or else why would they be English majors?)

Things I try not to think about

1. My due date was Christmas Day. This would probably be a lot easier not to remember if it weren't that particular day.

2. My BF MK's baby and mine would have been 3 months apart. That would have been really great.

3. The 16-yr-old in our ward (congregation) who has a 1.5 year old. That means that when she's my age, she'll have a kid her age. (Not that I want that, but still.)

As fate would have it, I had an interesting conversation with that girl last night, at our ward Christmas party. I used to be her church teacher, and would have considered us close, but then she understandably shut everyone out and sort of disappeared. Now that her baby daddy (slimeball) isn't always hanging around (read: sleeping with other underage girls) I feel more comfortable talking to her during the 3-ish times a year she comes around. She asked if I was going to have children.

Awkward.

What do you say to a teen mom who asks you that? "Well if girls like you would give up your babies as you should, maybe I'd have a kid sooner than later"? I don't think so.

All I can do is wish her the best and wish me the best and continue to try not to think about it. And most of the time, I really don't. But holidays are a time of happy thoughts and sad, right? So I'll let myself, for this moment, for this blog, think about it, and write about it, and then try to let it go.

The worst job in the world?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what good jobs vs. bad jobs are out there, and I think I may have found one pretty close to the bottom when I was at Costco today. Imagine you are a talented singer, maybe you had all the solos in your high school choir. Maybe you got a voice scholarship to some college and traveled with them to perform in Europe and South America and...Canada or something. Then you graduated and tried to make it big on the stage but eventually settled for this:

Singing karaoke in the aisles of a big discount warehouse store.

Do you think these people actually THINK they have a really good gig? I tell you what, this guy was singing his little heart out today. Fortunately, I was well past him when the giggle fit started, because I could NOT stop laughing. He was belting, full voice, American Idol-style.

It was hiLARIOUS, except, I don't think it was supposed to be.

Gingerbread Part 2.

Please see the previous post's new pics. They are small, but better than nothing, right?

I feel that, as an "anonymous" poster suggested, I may have left out a few key contenders in the gingerbread making contest. Namely, the girls. We....had a less than stellar showing, I would say (and sorry to the 4th couple whose house we did NOT get a picture of. It was awesome!)

First we have EI's tree house. I think she was incorporating some of her South American traditions in this one. I believe this is the same type of house she grew up in, right E? Complete with her own monkey. Beautifully executed, but a little structurally unstable.MK's creation (may it rest in peace), I have no picture of. It was crafted out of homemade gingerbread that proved to be also, unsound. Rather than watch it slowly collapse in on itself, MK opted to use her fist as a wrecking ball, right through the roof. Because she likes to be in charge of things. :)

If it were a real life structure, it would have looked like this at the end:Which brings us to my house. I don't know what messed-up dream I pulled this idea from, but I got it in my head to do a sort of Elf frat house. The results looked more like a crime scene.

These are the sad results of Elf drunk driving. You don't hear about it much, but it's a real problemThese elves passed out cold on the front lawn, one in his bottle of beer, the other in a line of blue crack (that's the really potent kind, as all elves know).I'm a sick person. So much for the Christmas spirit!

This is us using the F's lizard Smeagol as a judge. He was a little indecisive.

Gettin in the spirit.--NOW WITH PICTURES!!

I've had a weekend full of trying to get into the Christmas mood. This year we mean it. Mike and I really want to enjoy the spirit of the holiday before it goes and we're like "Huh? What just happened?"

Friday night we continued a tradition by participating in the 2nd Annual Gingerbread House Making Contest with our friends the Fs. We invited 2 other couples this year. It started at 6pm and went until about 1:30 am and Mike is STILL working on his landscaping (that's right, landscaping). There were some really good entries this year, and I actually don't think we even picked a clear winner. I think JI may have taken it with his pretty amazing rendition of the Boston clock tower. He made his own gingerbread and dyed his frosting. He also left a threatening message the night before on Mike's cell phone: "You're goin' DOWN, Benson!"

Extra points for that.

Though Mike also gets props for his use of LED lights on both the walkway and the front face of his house and his sticks-of-gum-tiled roof. He's a genius about the most random things.JF also made a great showing for his replica of the Boston temple (a mormon thing). I think if the temple really looked like that, I'd go more often.So that was Friday night. Saturday was baking day with my former coworker M. We made our first ever pumpkin roll. It was delicious! That was all we ended up baking (not much of a baking day, I guess), but chatting was equally important, I think.

And tonight we have a Christmas concert to go to. Hopefully the magnetic power of the couch doesn't overpower us and we actually leave as planned...

Anyone else gettin in the spirit?

By the way...(re:coupons)

Anyone who wants to make fun of me (talking to YOU, Timp) can find another blog to comment on. I'm simply trying to inform here, folks.

And I dare you to try it and not get addicted. I had a second transaction in which I got FREE Tide and earned $20 in EBs. I spent zero dollars. It was like a shot of heroin.

Drumroll please.

I had my first coupon experiences today. And? I'm exhausted.

It's sort of hard to explain, but I'll try.

OK.

Start by going to CVS.com and signing up for email alerts. You will receive at the very least, a coupon for $4 off $20. You may also receive any or none of the following:

$2 off $10
$3 off $15
$5 off $20.

You cannot use the same coupon twice in the same transaction,
BUT
You CAN use DIFFERENT coupons ALL IN THE SAME TRANSACTION.

That's really the key here.

So do what you have to--pillage, beg, google--to find all the coupons you can for CVS. There are some good blogs out there where this is all people talk about. You can also find coupons often in the pharmacy section, in the health brochures section. The ones I grabbed today were $2 off $10s on brochures called "Living healthy active lives" and "Stock up on cold & flu supplies." If you find them, grab a bunch. However, note that these, like all of their coupons, expire at some point.

The other thing is to look in the weekly CVS circular (which you can also access online) and see what the deals are, and also whether they correspond to any manufacturers coupons in the oh-so-elusive Sunday paper.

And the FINAL thing (this is important, so listen up) is to collect as many Extra Bucks as possible.

In every week's circular, there are certain purchases you make that will earn you EBs. The point is to buy those things, but not actually PAY for them, by using all the coupons you found.

I'll give you an example.

Today I had these coupons:
$4 off $20
$5 off $15
$3 off $15
$2 off $10
and a $5 off any Tylenol product (manu coupon).

So, class, as you can see, to fully utilize all these I needed to spend...that's right, $20. Stay with me here. Well, there was a special in the CVS circular that if you spent $15 in Pepsi Co. products, you earned $7.50 in EBs.

I bought:
3 boxes of granola bars (a Pepsi product) at $3.39 each
2 bags of Stacy's pita chips (also Pepsi prod) at $3 each
a bottle of Tylenol at $5.50.

Before coupons the total was roughly $21.67
minus 5
minus 4
minus 3
minus 2
minus 5

equals $2.67
PLUS

$7.50 in EBs. EBs that you can use at ANY CVS for ANYTHING. (except for a few exceptions, but still).

So I paid less than 3 bucks for a bunch of food, tylenol, and next time I go to CVS I have $7.50 to spend.

And that's all for now, folks. More later, skaters. If that was unclear, just ask. I will clarify.

You should know that I've called my little sister no less than 6 times on this subject.

The thing about my blog and my husband...

So, I know I have both Mike and myself (yes, that's an actual photograph) on my blog site. And I know the title is "Turleybensons," and in some way it implies 2 writers, but I'm going to let you down easy.

Mike will never write a blog entry.

Actually (prepare yourselves), Mike
doesn't

even

read

my

blog.

I know! What?! Well, it's weird, really. I, who at least at one point in my life referred to myself as "a writer," married not only a NON-writer, but a devout NON-reader. Crazy, but yes, true. And I know that, so I'm not surprised that he doesn't read the blog, because he barely reads emails (seriously, if you want us to know about something, send it to ME, not him).

It's only awkward when someone asks me about a certain blog post and Mike turns to me and says, "I didn't know about that." I think that I tell him everything, but you know, maybe I write in my blog little nuances that don't translate. So then I'm like, "then READ THE BLOG!" and there's really nothing he can say to that.

It's ok, I don't take it personally. He has other qualities.

SCENE CHANGE

So today I:
Cleaned the house
Did laundry
Watched a movie with MK
Paid the bills
Had a phone interview
Cooked dinner for us and friends
Clipped coupons

...and I didn't have even a moment to be bored. This time around of being unemployed is much different than the last time (though yes, it has only been 3 days). I remember the last time (I was laid off) I spent the entire first 2 weeks on the couch watching Buffy. Granted, it IS the best show ever made, but I'm thinkin' this way is much more productive and healthy. Turns out, there's a lot of stuff that needs to get done that I never had time to do. So nice to get stuff done for once!

Oh, and M, sorry that I've been posting at night. I'm just so busy during the day ! :)

(Are you still coming over Saturday?)

Sunday paper anyone?

Does anyone know where you can find a Sunday paper during the week?

Am I crazy? I went to get a Sunday paper yesterday (which was MONDAY), and the grocery store person told me they had thrown them out first thing that morning. Is that really really weird to anyone besides me? Why would you throw something out that people might want to BUY?

The purpose of the needing of the Sunday paper has to do with the pasttime in Texas I was telling you about. That's right, I'm gonna try to get in on it. I'll let you know how it goes, and if I ever figure it out (seriously, it is complicated, but hey, what else am I gonna do with my time?) I might even share some secrets. We'll see.
To be continued.
More on this later.
I'll keep you posted.

Free at last...Day 1.

Hello faithful readers. I took a 2 day hiatus, it is true. A little breather, if you will. I know, I know, sooo disappointing. You can hardly get through a day without me. Hello? Anyone?

I don't kid myself into thinking you live by my posts, but I know that I am disappointed when some of MY friends don't post for a while, and I have no desire to disappoint. Today was my first day as a Lady of Leisure (pronounced, Leh-zure), but I feel it did not count, because I actually had stuff to do.

First, I had to get up. At 10:30. I feel I could have slept longer.

Second, I had to meet a gal for lunch, a friend of a friend who wanted the scoop on publishing jobs in Boston. Of all the lousy timing. I may have scared her off for good.

Third, I had to go to Target to "pretend shop" to give my M-I-L ideas for Christmas.

Fourth, and this is the big one, I had a job interview. I think that after my prior situation, I am going to be really picky about my next career move, so I didn't really oversell it. I heard myself say things like "I'm not sure I have the knowledge base you are looking for," "I don't believe in working long hours," and "I'm not totally confident in my writing skills." Way to really put it out there, M. But you know what, I'm not going to go into a job under false pretenses and then be stressed because they expect something I can't give.

For better or worse, that's what I did. And I'm not crazy about the commute. And it's an "open" office structure, which I hate (no offices, no cubes--we had to meet at a bagel shop to interview). So, no big loss.

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I was doing a fair amount of self-sabotaging in there. Hmm. That can't be healthy. I'll have to think on that.

In my recent job searches, proximity is key. I have applied at a dental office, 2 medical facilities, and a community center, all because they represent a less than 15-minute commute. It's the need to eliminate stress from my life.

I got a call back from the dental office today. Sa-weet!