The best gift

I've done my share of making fun of couples who are OBSESSIVE with their children to the point that they refuse to leave them with ANYone, talk only to and about their children, and eliminate any social life that is not child-centered.

And I'm gonna be honest. I'll probably continue to do so.

OK, I hate repeating quotes without citing the source, but the source on this one seems to be "Every family therapist ever known to man," and I refuse to give credit to Dr. Phil who may have repeated it once or twice on his show, so.

To quote no one in particular:
The best gift you can give your child is a good marriage.

I love that quote. And more importantly, I believe that quote. This so-called "best gift" is not dancing lessons, or a big birthday party, or Xbox. We probably already knew that. But it's also not spending every second with your kid, or smothering them, or focusing all your energy on them alone.

Nope.

It's actually demonstrating in real, genuine ways that you are devoted to your spouse. It's giving your husband a smooch on his way out the door. It's having some time to yourselves, to show your kids that you actually like each other. It's being affectionate and spending time together as a whole family. It's date night, it's resolving conflicts, it's working at your relationship.

It's kind of a relief, isn't it?

So a few weeks ago when I realized that Mike and I have had only ONE (yeah, that's the number I determined) date night together away from Baby J? I also realized: That is not very "best gift"-ey. It's true that Mike and I have a fair amount of time away from the baby during the week, and while I don't want to extend that by too much (which is probably why we haven't had a date in so long), it also isn't time we spend together, reconnecting.

The weekend we spent away in Maine a few weeks back was fantastic. Yes, we had the baby, and yes it was just an EconoLodge in Smalltown, USA. And yes, now that I think of it, it rained the entire time. But a change of atmosphere was sooo needed, and really helped us get through a little tiny thorny patch we were in. And now we realize how much we need to have more "us" time. Turns out, we really like each other. We laugh a lot at/with each other. We have interesting things to talk about. We have really good ideas. Leaving town kinda helped us remember all that.

So this weekend, we've got a hot date scheduled. No babies allowed. And since we know that getting in this habit is all part of that "best gift" stuff,

there's no guilt either.

(And on the flip side? The next time you belittle or berate your spouse in front of your children, think hard about what you are actually doing. A lesson I think MAYBE EVEN I need to learn. OK, definitely I.)