The (only) highlight of the day

I'm kicking myself for not stuffing this gown into the diaper bag. I have no idea if that's against the rules or not.

Recovery

Seriously, thanks so much to everyone for caring about, asking after, praying for, and thinking of little Flurg's surgery and recovery.

Seriously. He wanted me to say.

Well, I'm not gonna lie. Baby surgery sucks. I hope and hope and hope we never have to do anything like that again.

The worst part was not, as I thought it would be, the starving of the baby in the morning. He was a little restless as we got close to surgery time (which ended up being 9am), but it was the post-surgery part that really killed me. After they were done clipping unwanted parts out of my baby's sinus cavity, and draining his ears (lots of fluid build up there), they brought us to the recovery room. I heard my baby long before I saw him. He was absolutely miserable. I quickly took the nurse's place in the rocking chair to hold him and try to console him. Disoriented, in pain, all wired up, and starving, he was a very very sad sight. He finally took some glucose water, and once they removed all the wires from his body, he eventually settled down and fell asleep.

I noticed 2 big gouges on his face, and said something about them, and the nurse said,

The morphine might have made him itchy.
Or it might be from where we taped his eyes shut.

Whoa. You know what? Stop right there. I actually don't want to hear another syllable about the procedure. That was more than enough, Nurse Helpful.

Poor baby.

So we got him home, and put him in bed, and after a nice nap, he was much happier and his appetite came back almost full force. He is still a little sensitive--like things that normally don't phase him now send him into a heartbreaking cry, but he is mostly back to his happy self.

I think I can tell a difference in his hearing, but it's hard to tell. He did dance today for the first time. To the Dixie Chicks, no less (good boy!).

Unfortunately, we won't really see other improvements for a few days when the swelling goes down, but I'm telling you, if his breathing doesn't get better, and we went through all that anyway?

I'm gonna be soooo pissed.

T minus one day

Tomorrow is my baby's 10-month birthday. And to celebrate, we're giving him...

Surgery.

I'm trying not to be a weepy crazy mom today, but I'll admit, I've had a few "moments."
Here was the worst one:

Ring ring

Hello?
Hi, I'm calling from Children's Hospital. Is this J's mom?
Yes.
I need to go over some things about the surgery tomorrow.
OK.
Now, J can't have any food or milk after midnight tonight. And--
Wait. He can't have formula either?
That's right, and he--
Hooold on there missy. I got the pre-op instructions, and that's not what it says.
Sorry, that's the rule for pre-op. And he needs--
I'm looking at the sheet RIGHT here and it says he can have formula UP TO SIX HOURS BEFORE THE PROCEDURE!!!
No, not at his age. Anyway, as I was saying...
SO ARE YOU GONNA COME TO MY HOUSE IN THE MORNING AND EXPLAIN THIS TO MY HUNGRY, CRYING BABY??

I didn't really say that last part, but uh, you get the point.

Here I was consoling myself thinking, Well, it's not like it was that long ago that all he had for food was formula, so it'll be FINE to give him just a meal of formula before the surgery.

And all along, I never knew that I was required to totally and completely starve my 10-month-old baby for a day.

Happy 10 months, Flurg!

Ok, to be totally honest about it, I can give him pedialyte up to 2 hours before surgery. And the nurse (who was nice enough to pretend not to notice that I almost totally lost it after that little revelation) assured me that babies get the first surgery slots of the day. We won't find out what his time is until later today. Here's hoping for like 5 am.

So anyway. I know it's gonna be fine and yadda yadda. I'm trying to talk myself out of going on a hunger strike as a gesture of solidarity, reminding myself that a hungry, cranky mommy is probably NOT going to do my infant any good on the big day.

Just let me feel sorry for myself and my unsuspecting baby for a minute. And then I'll be fine.

Some updates, some begging

Hey there lurkers. Coupla things:

FIRST
About GW. Well, he was back in the hospital this week, but is now out again, but seems to have taken a few small steps backward in the healing process. He is still expected to recover.

And I've had a change of plans for the group gift for them.

I was just remembering the day I returned home from the hospital, (after unexpectedly having a baby 3 weeks early), to find my house COMPLETELY SPOTLESS (have I thanked you lately, my lovely friends?). I'll never forget that image of a totally, utterly, shiningly clean condo. Nor will I forget how AMAZING it felt to see it (a feeling I fear will never be recaptured). Especially because I didn't have to lift a finger to do it.

And then I looked at my home now. Despite the fact that I have mucho help taking care of my baby and a husband who is NOT recovering from majory surgery, my house is pretty consistently at some level of "disaster"...and I thought hmm... I feel an idea coming on.

So I've decided we're going to get their house professionally cleaned. And they are totally psyched about it. (Who wouldn't be? I know I would!) (ps my birthday's coming up)

Anyway, thank you so so much to everyone who has offered to chip in. I hope you approve of this plan.

SECONDLY

About the auction donations (see info on the cause HERE). I thought I would give you an idea of what has been donated in the past to get your wheels a-turning. Here are a few things I've seen on the auction tables:

• Tickets! (Red Sox, Breakers, Pats, amusement parks, shows, museums, ANYTHING) If you have access to any tickets, that would be a great donation!
• High-end running shoes
• Blown glass pieces
• Hand-woven baskets
• Handmade jewelry
• Framed art or photography
• Photography session
• Timeshare week
• Gift bouquet, delivered
• Whatever thing YOU are good at
  

And last year we had a separate table for small handmade goods that were sold for flat donation amounts.

There is nothing too small or too big to give to this auction. We'll find a place for it. Again, thank you to those of you who have already offered ideas for donations. KEEP 'EM COMIN'!

That is all.

Winner winner, chicken dinner

So... about THIS POST.

You did it! I TOTALLY WON! I drove the most visitors to her blog, so THANK YOU.

Now I get a photo shoot with this crazy, beautiful, talented gal. That is, if we can figure out how a photographer in Utah can somehow meet up with a mommy in Boston...

(Y'know, because there aren't yet QUITE ENOUGH pictures of my baby in this world.)

Father's Day and Every Day

Yesterday was Father's Day. Since Mike did such a great job of pampering me on Mother's Day, and since we love him so much, and since he is, indeed, a great father, I felt I needed to make him feel special on that day.

So I did the whole breakfast in bed, homemade card (signed by me AND Flurg, of course), special dinner thing. I think we succeeded in making him feel special.

But can I tell you about my favorite part of the day?

It occurred at church, during the 3rd hour (for those of you not "in the know," yep, that's right--we go to church for 3 hours. Every week. And [usually] like it. Amazing, right?). We were combined men and women for that meeting, and about half way through, Babyflurg started getting very restless, and loud, and well, Sung N's silly faces just weren't hacking it anymore (he was visiting our ward, and sitting right behind us. It was [dramatic pause] adorable).

So I handed off the baby to Mike, despite the fact that I was trying to give him a break for a day (he really takes over on weekends, typically).

(Could I HAVE any more parentheticals?)

ANYway. So off he went, as is typical these days, since our baby is at the age where "sitting still" is simply no longer an option. I figured I'd see him after class.

About oh, 7 minutes later, Mike returned to class, with one cute little zonked out Flurg, arm draped over daddy's shoulder, snoozing peacefully.

Now. Even with all the help Mike gives me in the child-rearing department, and as truly capable as he is taking care of our son, I still consider myself the superior caretaker, because I do it for more hours a week than he does. It's only natural. I know this kid forward and backward, I know his schedule, I know what he eats, I know many little things that Mike doesn't know.

And I'm telling you here and now: in a million years I couldn't have done that.

And I'm not a bit jealous. I'm proud, and I'm gratified that we each have our own "things" that we can do successfully with our baby. As Mike walked in with little passed-out J on his shoulder, three different women turned to me with amazed expressions, or whispered to me how awesome it was: crying baby one minute, sleeping baby the next. No crib involved. I agreed. It was awesome. It was my favorite part of yesterday.

Mike really is such a good daddy. I'm beginning to suspect that our baby prefers him to me. And that's OK. I still get to spend most of my days alone with Flurg--snuggling, reading, playing, watching, whatnot. I won't be offended if his face lights up and his giggle turns into full belly laughs every evening when Mike walks in the door.

It's my favorite part of the day, too.

daddy and baby, 4 days old

Something you're gonna want to get in on

So remember last year when I posted this about this? Well, in the next few months a similar event will be happening.

Before the actual fundraising event, there is always a silent auction, which is usually a wildly successful part of the evening. This year, my buddy and I have volunteered to be in charge of said auction.

And here's where you come in. I want YOU, yes YOU WHO ARE READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW to donate something to the auction! Isn't that great?! Aren't you looking for an opportunity to give back to the community? Well this way is SO EASY!

Here's the deal. If you work at a company that can donate something, start working that angle. OR if YOU have a business or are a hobbyist who makes things with your own hands? AWESOME! Donate one of THOSE. We are happy to place business cards next to your item, so think about it: a good deed PLUS FREE ADVERTISING! I believe that's what they call a "two-fer," my friends. How could you possibly pass that up?

Answer: YOU CAN'T!

So right now, yes, right this very second, I want you to go from reading this blog to coming up with something you can donate to a truly, truly wonderful cause. As much or as little as you can offer is mucho appreciated. WHEN you think of something to donate, you can leave a comment or email me (once again, turleybenson at gmail dot com).

And as a THIRD incentive, I will also have a post on the blog about everything that was donated, including links to your company/ personal site if you have one. So make that a "three-fer."

I know you're gonna come through for me, people.

I just
know it.

Update on the G-dub

For those of you who know, or maybe don't know, here's a little update on the state of Geoff W.

Geoff and his mother were injured 2 weeks ago in a very serious car accident. Mike and I went to see him a few days after the accident in the ICU, and it was pretty sad--though he hadn't broken any bones, he was barely conscious and couldn't even see us. He sustained some serious liver damage, and had more than one surgery at that point.

Miraculously, four days after we saw him, he was released from the hospital. He's been home a week now, and his mom was released a few days after he was.

I went to see them again today, and Geoff is very much improved. He didn't remember that we had visited him at first, but eventually his memory jogged (that was a little weird, since we had conversations with him and everything). Anyway, he's still very sore and tires easily, and has to keep up on his protein intake because his platelets have been low. He still can't pick up his daughter or do anything besides walking around for short distances, but on the whole, it's amazing how well he's doing.

Some of you expressed interest in going in on something to let them know we're thinking of them. I don't expect anyone to participate, but if you would LIKE to, you are more than welcome. I've been trying to think of what would be helpful (they received several bouquets of beautiful flowers already), and this is what I've come up with: An Omaha Steaks package of assorted meats. Weird? A bit, perhaps, but seems like it fits in the "needs" category better than say, a cookie bouquet, which would do nothing for his platelet count.

So lemeno if you want in. Absolutely no pressure. I'm sure they would love a card, too, just to know people are thinking of them. You can email me for their address. [turleybenson-at-gmail-dot-com]

The Upside of Recession

There is a post I've been meaning to write for a while.

Or rather, a feeling I've been meaning to capture on paper (blog). A feeling I knew would be temporary, and one that I already feel slipping away. The condition of the economy, the country, the world has had an interesting effect on me, and I'm sure (and hopeful) it has had the same effect on many other people. Maybe some of you.

Most of the time, whether it be in outright vocal ways or in subconscious, subtle ways, I think I'm usually wishing for more. More house, more expendable income, more prestigious jobs for Mike and me, more clothes, nicer furniture...you know what I mean. And I'm really not even a terribly materialistic person (despite how that last sentence sounded). Honestly, I don't have expensive taste or visions of grandeur for my life. I just have that basic human tendency to want a little more.

But lately, I've felt something new, and unexpected, and welcome: Grateful. Satisfied, even. These days, if you aren't buried in a mountain of debt, you are doing relatively um, fantastic, I would say. Sure, our apartment is only 900 square feet. And yeah, it has lost some value. But you know what would be worse? Living in a 12,000 foot house that had lost HALF its value. Or pouring all your savings into a deposit on a housing development that then went belly up, and losing it all. Losing everything you own.

These things are happening every day, to people all around us.

And our jobs don't pay that great, I know. But we have jobs! BOTH of us. How great is that?! They might not be the jobs we would choose in a perfect world, but we get 2 paychecks. And we aren't completely unhappy at them, either. I actually feel beyond blessed with my job.

I have a husband who is healthy, and here with me, who is good to me, who is good to my baby. I have a baby, who is beautiful, amazing, a little gift from God.

We have a home, we have an income, we can meet our financial obligations. Those three things are so basic, but out of grasp for so many right now. This might sound strange, but I sometimes feel really bad that I didn't have better instincts about buying when we did, that I somehow should have known that it was a really bad idea to buy into the market in 2005. I fault myself and even my relationship with God for not knowing better. But I did know not to buy any more than we could handle, and to get the type of loan we did--two things that have made a big difference. When I get down about anything these days, I just think to myself how it could be so much worse, as it is for so many unfortunate people.

Taking it a step further, I've also been putting our American woes in a more global perspective. We aren't under a dictatorship here, after all. We have so many freedoms. We are not victims of genocide, or severe oppression, and for the most part, we can live every day expecting to keep on living every day for the foreseeable future. Mortal fear is not a part of everyday life for the majority of us. If we were to lose our home, our belongings, everything tangible, we are still going to be better off than most people in this big world of ours. We still have so much, just because of geography.

Perspective is a wonderful thing. I'm so glad to have a healthy dose of it lately. I know it will inevitably fade, but I hope having a little record of it might help keep it close a little longer...

This little piggy's growin' up

My sweet little baby is officially eating us out of house and home. I can see the "love of food" gene hasn't skipped a generation.

His repertoire now includes (feel free to skip this part. really.):
rice cereal, carrots, green beans, peas, avocado, papaya, mango, blueberry, squash, applesauce, pears, peaches, potatoes, yogurt, wheat bread, hummus, eggs, ham, baby meat sticks, black beans cereal puffs, goldfish...and probably some other stuff that Mike has fed him without my approval.

He's starting to want to feed himself, and is doing the pincer-fingers-to-mouth thing like a champ. Sometimes he will literally eat and eat and eat until I get tired and stop feeding him. It's a little bit unreal, especially since he's not terribly chubby and this whole enormous hunger thing seemed to happen overnight. I expect that one morning I'll go to his room to find he's split his jammies in two because he finally had that growth spurt for which he's been storing.

His favorite toys are:
Empty 2 liter DC bottle
Chip Clip (TM)
Eyedropper
Small lotion bottle
Baby bottle cap
Empty popcorn box

Not on that list? Anything I've ever actually bought as a toy. Luckily, most of his toys were donated, so no big loss there.

Also, he loves standing. He's very brave, and will go from coffee table to couch in a standing position, with every confidence that he will make it without face-planting. He is usually right. The other day he pulled up on me, let go, and stood for 3 seconds before collapsing. Aye aye aye.

In sad news, we had our obligatory baby-falls-off-the bed experience that most imperfect parents seem to have. Luckily it was a very low bed, and I got there at the end of the fall. Mommy and baby were very sad, but recovered quickly. Glad we have that out of the way. We are now having "No" lessons while mommy holds our ankles and we crawl toward the edge of the bed. We are seeing much improvement in this department.

We also have a second tooth. Finally.

My baby is a-growin. That's for sure. But one thing he hasn't outgrown... I'm not ready to be past the finger-sucking phase. I'm glad he's not either.

To my good ol' pals in Cali

Just re-read this post.

Made me sad.

Oh how I wish this Father's Day was going to be just like the last one.

Best
trip
ever.

also...

If you haven't already,

check her out.

Pretty please? I might win something!

Um, thanks?

Toe-licking good (adj.)
Language: Mikespeak
1. So good, even though you KNOW you ate it with your hands, you lick your toes too just in case some of it dripped on them.

Usage: Describing, in your own strange way, a delicious meal your wife toiled over all evening.

Insecurities and goings-on

Can I tell you something?

After writing that last post, I had a little bit of writer's regret.

As a writer, I have a constant struggle between wanting to be open and honest about my life and my feelings, and being really really afraid of either offending or being rejected by my reader.

So as a BLOG writer, that feeling is intensified since my audience is wider than it ever was as a paper-writer (a whole 40 people, thankyouverymuch). And since the only way I have to measure my approval is by comments (clears throat loudly)... the low comment rate on that post had me thinking Oh, I've really lost them now.

And then yesterday Mike and I were approached separately about that post (Mike, of course, having no idea what the person was talking about), and then I got another couple of comments. So I guess it wasn't a total failure in that it got people thinking. I think that's a good result.

All this is to say: I'm super duper insecure. And I may offend you, but hey, I guess that's the risk I'm willing to take.

In the "goings-on" department:

Mike and I had a good date night, though we were clearly rusty at it. We just kinda drove to Harvard Square and bumbled around for a few hours, though we did get fed by fairly good food, which was certainly one of the goals. It's very different having a date with a time limit. I'm sure most of you know that by now.

Also on Friday, my dear dear friend MK FINALLY had her baby!! She was 12 days late, and she is absolutely beautiful! She kind of looks like an Eskimo baby. Which is fitting, I guess.

So. Mike and I had 4 friends at the hospital last week, and sadly, MK was the only one there for a happy reason. We've got a close friend who was in a terrible accident and is now in ICU, and I just can't stop thinking about it. We are aching for him and his little family right now. Their daughter just turned 1. I can't even begin to imagine.

Could you maybe say a little prayer for him? Thanks.

The best gift

I've done my share of making fun of couples who are OBSESSIVE with their children to the point that they refuse to leave them with ANYone, talk only to and about their children, and eliminate any social life that is not child-centered.

And I'm gonna be honest. I'll probably continue to do so.

OK, I hate repeating quotes without citing the source, but the source on this one seems to be "Every family therapist ever known to man," and I refuse to give credit to Dr. Phil who may have repeated it once or twice on his show, so.

To quote no one in particular:
The best gift you can give your child is a good marriage.

I love that quote. And more importantly, I believe that quote. This so-called "best gift" is not dancing lessons, or a big birthday party, or Xbox. We probably already knew that. But it's also not spending every second with your kid, or smothering them, or focusing all your energy on them alone.

Nope.

It's actually demonstrating in real, genuine ways that you are devoted to your spouse. It's giving your husband a smooch on his way out the door. It's having some time to yourselves, to show your kids that you actually like each other. It's being affectionate and spending time together as a whole family. It's date night, it's resolving conflicts, it's working at your relationship.

It's kind of a relief, isn't it?

So a few weeks ago when I realized that Mike and I have had only ONE (yeah, that's the number I determined) date night together away from Baby J? I also realized: That is not very "best gift"-ey. It's true that Mike and I have a fair amount of time away from the baby during the week, and while I don't want to extend that by too much (which is probably why we haven't had a date in so long), it also isn't time we spend together, reconnecting.

The weekend we spent away in Maine a few weeks back was fantastic. Yes, we had the baby, and yes it was just an EconoLodge in Smalltown, USA. And yes, now that I think of it, it rained the entire time. But a change of atmosphere was sooo needed, and really helped us get through a little tiny thorny patch we were in. And now we realize how much we need to have more "us" time. Turns out, we really like each other. We laugh a lot at/with each other. We have interesting things to talk about. We have really good ideas. Leaving town kinda helped us remember all that.

So this weekend, we've got a hot date scheduled. No babies allowed. And since we know that getting in this habit is all part of that "best gift" stuff,

there's no guilt either.

(And on the flip side? The next time you belittle or berate your spouse in front of your children, think hard about what you are actually doing. A lesson I think MAYBE EVEN I need to learn. OK, definitely I.)

A little dose of Mike for a Tuesday afternoon

Yes, I still have a lot to say on marriage, but I'm short on time lately.

For now, an excerpt from our own version of cartalk:

Me: I totally missed it when my odometer hit 100,000. I was going to take a picture. Then I was trying to see when it turned 102030, but I missed that too.

Mike: Did you at least see it when it hit 90210? That was a big one, too.

Me: (Groan.) Oh, really. A big deal, huh.

Mike: Yeah, I pulled over and sang a song about Dylan and Brenda.