My seminary stint is almost over, and much as I'll miss it, I'm also starting to enter the final phase of pregnancy when all you want to do is sleep and eat. So I'm looking forward to getting more zees at night, instead of trying to piece them together during the day.I go through phases occasionally when I examine my life and feel I should be doing more. Or maybe have more to show for my daily activities. I'm proud of my job, and that I can provide income that we really need to get along right now. I don't love it (and I don't hate it), but I'm proud of it.
However I don't really create anything tangible (at least not lately), and I'm sort of super jealous of people who are creatively inspired.
I don't think I'm all that creative, I guess. (Cut to me constantly searching the web for ideas on how to better present a lesson to my seminary kids, and thinking "I would NEVER have thought of that!").
But that doesn't mean there aren't other things I could be doing, or learning, or pursuing that would make my life feel richer, more fulfilled. So I'm going to try to do some of those things over the next month and see if I can't feel some progress.
A little challenge to myself, if you will.
I seem to have a lot of close friends who are embarking on major changes in their lives at the moment, and I'm sort of tired of wondering when I'll ever be inspired to change in the ways I know I need to. Kinda sick of thinking, and ready to start doing.
I haven't been feeling particularly nice lately, or patient (sorry Mike and J). I think there are things I can do to change those things, too.
Sometimes I feel like I've written this same post over and over. Do normal people do this much self-examination? Or self criticism? Or are they this lazy that they get to this point so often? I don't know what it is, but I know I'll kick myself for not spending this pre-baby time trying to de-funk when I have the chance (and the sleep).
I'm not saying I'll get to the gym anytime soon, but I am saying, I'll try harder to think about getting there.
(picture above of J doing a little self examination at a great kids museum in Berkeley, CA)
Posts
4 comments:
I love your self-assessments. I love your ideas. Many times, after reading your posts, I feel like doing a little self-evaluation too. And most of all, I LOVE that picture of J. Don't you almost wish his head looked like that? Cute and cuter.
wyatt still brings up "uh jonah, BIG head!" man, that was a good day.
i think about that all the time, that i don't have anything tangible to show for anything, other than that we haven't starved to death yet, and we're all in clean clothes.
for what it's worth, i'm totally amazed - you work AND teach seminary besides being a mom / wife? you are rackin' up the blessings in heaven. (tangible later....)
Your latest post has just inspired me to make something tangible (sort of). It's one thing to create something that is appreciated in the moment, but then is gone once that moment has past. It's another thing to set something down that can be, in this case, heard over and over again. Details to follow . . .
I am neglecting my own creativity and am instead reading blogs this afternoon on the laptop... parked it right in front of the bag of quilt pieces I PROMISED myself I would put together today (and every day last week, for that matter... and before last week, it was sitting in the closet for three months). Blog browsing is easier, eh? But not so "tangible" or productively rewarding, I suppose.
Your self analysis is good, I think. And normal. (That's me considering myself normal, and since *I* self analyze and I think *I'm* normal, then I think you're normal too. Nice how that works, eh?)
But I do have to say, if you end up lapsing and not feeling quite so ambitious in a few days, and your "self challenge" turns out to be a fluke.... well, um, you're pregnant. And that is SUPER OKAY!! Your "creativity" and motivation are channeling right down that placenta into the making of a new little person. He'll be "tangible" soon enough!! In the meantime, sleep. and eat. and blog. :)
Post a Comment