In fact, it could have been your first time at church today. Sorry for that.
There's no way you could have known that it was my first week as a bishopric member's wife.
Alone, in the pew with one very cranky two-year-old and one very pregnant belly. You didn't know that the morning had already been fairly terrible; a husband at meetings for more hours than expected; me making the unwise decision to attempt potty training alone.
(Nor that the morning included a poop disaster. And a pee incident.)
That my nerves were already frayed by the time I got to church, and my hormones didn't help.
You don't know my son, but if you did, you'd know that this was the worst behaved he has ever been at church, and that rolling on the floor and flailing are typically reserved for rare occasions at home.
And by the time he decided to rest his feet on the back of your pew, I was just thankful he wasn't screaming or crying, and thankful I wasn't either. Though I was close.
So when you turned around in annoyance and physically moved his little feet so that you wouldn't have to feel the pressure of them behind you (not kicking, mind you, just pushing)? That is what they call the last straw. And I barely made it out of the chapel before my already awful morning finally caught up with me and left me crying in the bathroom.
You couldn't have known.
I've been in your shoes before. I'm sure I've reacted, too.
(Overreacted, even.)
But thanks to you, I learned something today. You just don't know if that woman behind you who is letting her kid do stuff that sorta bothers you is having one of the roughest days she's had in a while. If there are a whole pile of big adjustments currently on her plate that she has no idea how to tackle, that she's barely holding it together. You don't know how much it would mean to just suck it up for once, to put up with a little annoyance to spare her further pain, and just let it slide this one time.
Just this once. And maybe again next time.
You might not know how it feels to be crying in a tiny stall while your two-year-old asks you over and over "Can you be happy mommy? Are you OK?" all the while hoping no one comes in and hears him, feels sorry for you.
This phase, however long it will be, is going to be a big trial for me. There will be many more people in the pew in front of us, dealing with the repercussions of a husband who has committed to serve faithfully in a very demanding capacity, and a wife who knows that is the right thing for him to do.
My faith will be tested.
It will be hard. Harder still when this new baby comes.
If it's true what was taught in Sunday School, Jesus suffered for this trial of mine, too.
Today was the first taste of my new reality. And it was a shock. And I hope in the future I can remember this moment and not turn around and give the lady with the crazy kid behind me a dirty look because he is bothering me.
Today, thanks to that man, I have a new hope:
I hope I never make someone's hard day worse than it already is.
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10 comments:
I would have flipped OUT if someone touched my child. Phew. I'm sorry it was a rough Sunday for you. It was a rough one here, too. Isn't it funny (not the haha kind) that sometimes when we're doing beyond the best we've ever done before, we almost seem to be doing worst too? That seems especially true when it comes to callings. I wish I came to your ward today. Sat next to you and our kids could have played with pipe cleaners together (my new favorite church activity) and we could have felt exasperated together.
I learned this same lesson (by "learned" i mean was am STILL learning) the morning my mom passed away. i had to drive to the bank, and i pulled into the parking lot the wrong way. I kinda sorta knew i was backwards and probably blocking people, but i wasn't in a place to really notice it... until the lady in the big white SUV honked at me, and then glared the whole 6 extra seconds it took her to get around me. She made me think about all the times I'd been bugged by people and their driving habits--and how many times had I honked or glared at someone having what might be one of the worst days of their lives?!??!
And although I'm nowhere NEAR 100% patient behind the wheel, there are many times when I DON'T overreact because of that moment at the bank.
Reid got that same calling 3 weeks before Eliza was born. It was already a pretty daunting time in my life, and I was not a big fan of the idea. But i do I wish i'd had a little more of a positive attitude--like the one you seem to have. And a little more faith. I mostly just cried and complained a lot...and still sometimes do :)
Here's to hoping that next Sunday goes better....which seems altogether quite likely :)
I kinda wanna come to Boston right now and break out a can of whooopa*& and then hold your hand and laugh a bit and see that yummy baby of yours (because ohhhhh how I wanted to cry in the bathroom today over my two boys, too!). I am so infinitely sorry that this happened. And you should tell your husband that he should suggest that man's name as one of the new nursery leaders. Karma works, even in church. HAAAAAAAA!! Love you.
I am sorry you had a terrible day. I work at a children's hospital. I recently saw a mom like you, trying to convince a toddler lying in the floor kicking and screaming to get up and quiet down. Her sick baby was in the crib in the room, and she had one on the way. I scooped up the one in the floor and said I am SO glad mine aren't the only ones that have ever done this! How about I take him to the playroom (in site of her room) for a few minutes so you can have a break?
In 10 minutes I brought back a happy toddler, and she looked like that ten minutes sitting in silence had made a huge difference. I'm sorry no one helped you out during a difficult time.
I have a friend in a similar situation to you, but her husband is bishop. Don't be afraid to mention you might could use a little help. There are always lots of helping hands, and i would guess 80% won't even judge you.
I have slowly learned you just never know...
You sweet thing. I love you. You are amazing. I'm so sorry to hear about this experience. What is wrong with people? Why is all of humanity, in general, so much angrier and less patient these days? Why can't people cut each other a little slack anymore? Especially a pregnant mom sitting by herself with a kid who is obviously not feelin' it that day?
Sending big trans-continental hugs your way. Love you, girl.
xoxo
It gets better. I promise :).
I am so sorry~ Next time J is crazy at church, or you're feeling overwhelmed, come sit by us. Then you can be assured any glares and huffing are directed at Nathan and Joseph kicking each other over crayons or Charlie crawling under the bench and drooling Cheerios on someone's shoes. (Then we could go hide together.)
I have no words, maybe a few for the man (but what would that really accomplish). These bad days can really break us. I love you and you are a strong woman and you are right for this big job that you are doing right now. Deep breath Mama...you got this.
Hmmmm. Look at that. I did have some words.
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