Merry {simple} Christmas

We have one small box marked 'Christmas.' It holds all our ornaments, decorations, lights, and stockings. So to begin with, I sorta do it simple every year.

But this year, we didn't send a card out. (Though we loved getting yours!!)

We bought a really small tree.

We purchased very few gifts, for ourselves and the boys (actually I bought ZERO for baby G. Second kid). And what we did buy, we bought online mostly, and avoided all those crowded parking lots.

Partly because we knew we'd be spoiled by family anyway, partly because of the pile of medical bills on the counter, and partly because a small Christmas was just what we needed after a big year.

I focused more this month on this concept*: give whatever it is you are lacking. I felt ignored, so I gave attention. I felt broke, so I gave money. I felt a lack of the spirit of Christmas, so I gave for the sake of giving: service, unexpected gifts, kindness. It made for a lovely December, and one not at all distracted by consumerism.

Today, on Mike's day off, we spent a cold, beautiful day on our long-awaited new bike path behind the apartment building. A gift in itself (thanks, city!). And a perfect family outing.

This is not to say that December didn't have its challenges. OK, one challenge mostly (toddler fits GALORE), but for the most part it was pretty close to perfect.

I like the idea of simple even more than I did before. I think we might make it our new tradition.

*if you aren't reading this blog yet, you should start. It might just change your life a little bit.

A new kind of great

I talked to a friend this morning who I haven't talked to since G was born. She asked how we were and I replied, "Great!"

She said, "So everyone's sleeping through the night?"

Well, if that's your definition of great, then no. We aren't doing so great. :)

But this is my definition:

We have two lovable, healthy boys. A baby who is sweet and smiley and lights up when he sees us. A toddler who has FINALLY decided to be done with diapers (!!!).

We still have our jobs, and our apartment, and we still fit, despite worries to the contrary.

We have lots of wonderful friends to fill our days and late night runs to Sonic.

And most importantly, we have learned how to appreciate all of these things.

It's true, I'm not getting near enough sleep these days. But I know it's a phase that will pass soon.

So I stand by my original statement,

We really are doing great.

A Christmas miracle

Perhaps you've noticed, but things have changed for me over the past 4 months of my baby's life.

I went through some really hard things. I got through them.

I have a new perspective.

Also, I cry all the time. In a happy way. Every Christmas song, every kind act I witness, every story I hear of goodness. Talking about my journey. Just a constant flow of tears over here. And in my old age, I'm also learning how fruitless it is to be ashamed of genuine emotion, so I let myself cry a little when I want to. I don't apologize for it anymore.

Life just looks different to me these days.

I'm hoping to record a lot of my recent insights here on this blog, so I can have a keepsake of the sacred path I've been so blessed to travel. And maybe it will strike a chord with you too.

So here's just one thought I've been having lately.

I spend a lot of time staring at my beautiful new baby these days. It is a lovely experience to have a baby around during the holidays, feeling so blessed that no wrapped gift could ever mean that much to you.

I know there is so much skepticism in this world. I know Christianity is viewed as myth and fable by a lot of folks. Everyone has the choice to believe or not to believe, and I respect that fully.

But looking into my baby's eyes, I have to tell you: believing that the son of God came to earth as a helpless baby who was destined to change the world forever? It doesn't seem like a stretch to me.

It actually makes perfect sense.

Come what may

I've been thinking a lot about expectations lately.

And how utterly, totally useless they are.

For instance, I expected to have a smooth delivery and a quick recovery. I did not.

I expected to have a hard time adjusting to having two kids. I did not.

In the one case, things were far worse than I anticipated, and in the other, far better. So what was the point in having any anticipation at all? Not a whole lot, in my opinion. On a smaller scale, some nights I can't sleep at all, and am SURE I will be exhausted the next day. I spend energy worrying about how hard it will be to stay awake...and then it's not. (The reverse is also often true--lots of sleep, then unexpectedly dragging all day long.)

It seems to me that I have no freakin' idea how things are going to turn out. And the great part of that is that they are often far better than I expected.

So I'm starting a new approach: letting go of my expectations. The good AND ESPECIALLY the bad. Because worry is useless and disappointment is a waste of time.

I'm at a very interesting moment in my life where I am simultaneously dealing with intense disappointment over my traumatic birth experience (which includes the delivery and all the complications thereafter), while being overwhelmed by how smooth my transition to a mother of 2 has been, and feeling daily how abundantly blessed I am to have TWO! BEAUTIFUL! SONS!

(I honestly want to shout it out that way, every time I think of it. How many people get TWO such BEAUTIFUL SONS?! To me, it feels like an amazing, rare, precious gift. Because it is.)

So I'm working on the sadness, trying to let it/help it ease and drift away so I can put my whole focus on the happiness.

And I am trying to let go of my expectations. Because they feel increasingly irrelevant in this blessed, sometimes random life of mine. I can't foresee what will happen. I'm just trying to shift how I deal with it, come what may.

And one more for the "highlights" list...

Mike repurposing his Eagle Scout trophy to fit the occasion. Then leaving it as the centerpiece of the adult table for Thanksgiving dinner and just waiting for mom to notice it...

(You know to expect trouble when he starts asking questions like, "Mom, what colors of felt do you have?")

Thanksgiving '11

We spent a long Thanksgiving vacation at my in-laws' again this year. It was, as always, wonderful.

One of the highlights for me was watching my father-in-law, who admittedly isn't a "baby person," fall in love with my baby. He said there's just something special about this one, and I tend to agree.

(My baby is particularly sweet.)

Baby's first plane ride. Baby is teething, and had his fist shoved in his mouth like so for most of the trip.

Another highlight was watching J also bond with his Pop Pop. They have a lot of fun together.

And Grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins, all adoring my kids and my kids adoring all of them. Ah, family.

Other bests:

Hearing J mention the cousins' dog in his prayers. (He's very thankful for any animal time he gets.)

Mexican food and In-n-Out also rank up there. (Always with the overeating.)

Seeing my sister-in-law seem relaxed and content as a newlywed. Loved that.

Meeting up with some old friends.

Sunny days, warm walks, the train park.

Another virtually perfect trip west. Even the flight didn't seem so bad (though my memory's not so good these days, and it's easy to say that in hindsight).

Also, taking time once again to look around and see how much I have to be thankful for.

In short: A whole bunch of stuff.